why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
