My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
