I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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