just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
farters have to be the big spoon...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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