Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
