O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
