Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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