Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
