I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
