Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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