I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
