I should be sponsored by Trojan
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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