Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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