So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
