Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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