oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
