Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
