I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
