so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
