We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
