Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
