I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
