Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
