also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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