Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
