Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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