A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
