This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
