You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
