ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
