i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
