you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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