I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
