Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
