marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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