oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
