I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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