Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
