She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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