I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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