I feel like abortions should bother me more
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
