i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
