Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
