we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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