im having a threesome with these popsicles
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
