So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
There's even glitter on my cock...
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