This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize