he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
