Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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