well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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