Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
