dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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