3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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