IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
