There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
A+ Viking dick
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
