I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
