I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
