I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you didnt know i had herpes?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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