I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
