Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
