Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the raccoons are back...
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