She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
