Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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