Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
