I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
