yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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