I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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