you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
