I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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