I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
