Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
