My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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