big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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